He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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