and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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