we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
