So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
