you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Randomize
