Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
