Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
