operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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