It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
