She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
