Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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