If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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