o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
