Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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