There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
