can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
