I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
