dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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