That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
