drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
