first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
