Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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