Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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