my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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