apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
