first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
