omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
