I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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