just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
