Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
