I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
