I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Who died my cat blue again?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
