He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
