its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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