i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
