I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
