I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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