Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
