I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
