party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
