"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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