Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
