VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
