I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
