I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
