I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
