problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
