I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
