I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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