I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
