Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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