This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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