There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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